The Crafty Lass… who’s that? Who is she? Oh yes, I remember now – that’s ME. I had almost forgotten.
I was asked in a consultant doctor’s appointment the other day what my job was – seeing as we had only just met and he needed to establish my general day to day ‘activity levels’ this seemed like a sensible question – but without pausing for breath he then followed up with “…Mum?”
Now, seeing as I had an 8-week-old baby with me, this seemed like a sensible presumption. Presumption! My first initial (internal) reaction was – ‘No! I am not JUST a mum.’ But then I bit back at myself and thought ‘Actually, I AM at the minute ‘just’ a Mum.’ And that is a great thing indeed! There is nothing wrong with being ‘just’ a mum. However, that isn’t my JOB title as he was actually asking. I told him I ran my own business, explained about the studio, teaching… I am pretty sure he didn’t actually care want or need to know these details – he wanted to fix a health issue, not learn craft skills! – but I felt like I needed to ‘justify’ myself somehow. I wasn’t annoyed at WHAT he had said – I was more just annoyed that he had automatically presumed anything about me from a 20 second prior introduction. A very stereotypical presumption of a mid-30’s woman and my life.
With that in mind – I am very much enjoying taking some ‘time out’ of my normally hectic crafty world – getting to know our new baby, his quirks, these early days fly fast. However, being honest: my mind is already ready to return to crafty thoughts. Now don’t get me wrong – life is STILL hectic! There is absolutely never a dull moment in our household, there are a million and one things to be done, as with most busy modern day family lives. There is a super intelligent (but often challenging) toddler to stimulate and placate and enjoy. There is a baby who is smiling and trying to laugh and is starting to react to this world around him. There is a dog to be played with, fed, walked. There are the chores. House stuff. The LIFE stuff. But – I suppose understandably – I am still also craving the craft world. But, with what time? I can’t have it both ways… or can I? Projects and ideas and workshops. To re-establish my true identity as BOTH a mum AND ‘The Crafty Lass’. ME.
It’s a funny thing maternity leave – a constant battle between wanting to spend as much time as possible with your baby and new family unit whilst also trying not to feel guilty for wanting to get back to your ‘normal’ life – and all whilst juggling and muddling through the baby brain. A real head fog that has certainly descended into my life in recent weeks and months!
I think the main thing I need to accept is – that I am always too hard on myself. My boss (e.g. me) drives a hard bargain. I expect to be able to achieve everything and some.
I forget that I haven’t just been ‘off’ doing ‘nothing’ – I have grown a whole person. I gave birth to said human. I am now sustaining said human with milk that I am somehow (the human body is amazing) producing. I have battled and overcome Sepsis straight after giving birth. (Yes, for those that didn’t see that on social media – that was a pretty scary time…). I am trying to be a good mum. Trying to be a good wife. Trying to be a good friend. Trying to remember The Crafty Lass. I am trying to muddle through – I am trying. And, being completely honest at times that is very hard! To balance it ALL! Life can be hard. I have always been very honest that what you see on social media isn’t always (totally) what you get: I deliberately choose what I want to put out into the world – and for me, having a positive ‘feed’ is a great reminder that no matter what the daily struggles you face are, there are good days – GREAT days – and so on bad days – tomorrow is another day. (I just sometimes need to remember this.)
I also forget that when I had Freddie and I was on maternity leave the first time around: when he slept – I worked. Sometimes I slept too… “sleep when they sleep”. But, more often than not – I was crafting, planning, moving house and studio, organising, working. Now – when Freddie sleeps, or is at nursery I either NEED to also sleep or I am looking after little Rupert and trying to just… function. TWO kiddiwinks is a TOTAL game changer. When would I have time to do things?! How can I ever get back to fully working?
Well, the fog is slowly starting to clear, time somehow is balancing out and I am discovering that I CAN do things – we are nearly 9 weeks into this new life dynamic, and the brain cogs are starting to turn. I attended the Craft Cotton Co Bloggers event a few weeks ago (I am a guest blogger for them and now have super inspired ideas in the pipeline, I just need to action them!) The Pinterest App has been open. I have checked my emails. I have had enquiries on Christmas workshops. I am putting some ideas into action (watch this space…) and importantly, I am starting to remember what it’s like, I am starting to be Ready with a capital R.
My maternity leave ‘officially’ ends in January 2020, but I am being flexible… who knows what opportunities are around the corner? I have some ‘keep in touch’ days to start dipping my toe into the crafty water with across the next few months. And, it is a good job my brain is starting to get in gear as I have a very exciting and BIG event to be ready for! Go big, or go home? I might as well start with featuring as an ‘Expert’ at Kirstie Allsopp’s The Handmade Festival at Hampton Court Palace in a two weeks’! It’s only teaching 100 people at a time…
But, I am Ready. I am excited. I am Ready to be The Crafty Lass, AND a Mum too. I can do this, I CAN do this, I CAN DO THIS! The fog will clear… (crosses fingers and toes.)
Hereendith my self-motivational blog post. Hope to see you there!